We want to write powerful dialogue and avoid stilted conversations. Have you ever run into dialogue that goes something like this?
“Hi, Mark,” Cindy said.
“Hi, Cindy,” Mark said.
“How was your week?” Cindy asked Mark.
“It was great, Cindy. How was yours?” Mark asked.
“It was kind of rough, Mark. Thanks for asking.” Cindy said.
Oh. My. Gracious. If that doesn’t put you to sleep or make you want to pull out your hair, I don’t know what will.
If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it. Or, if proper usage gets in the way, it may have to go. I can’t allow what we learned in English composition to disrupt the sound and rhythm of the narrative.” ~ Elmore Leonard
There are several things going on here that we need to address. First of all, we shouldn’t overuse the word “said.” However, that problem can’t just be fixed by replacing every instance of “said” with something like “replied,” “coughed,” or “stated.”
Read on for three tips on how to write powerful dialogue—creating realistic, engaging, and interesting conversations that don’t grate on readers’ literary ears.
1. What About He Said, She Said?
There are a lot of opinions on the use of “said.” It can get kind of messy. In short, here are two common “recommendations” for authors:
Never use said.
The theory behind this rule is that there is always another option. While this is true (I mean, we have murmur, mutter, stew, stutter, hack, laugh, respond, apologize, shout, scream, yell, yodel, etc.), our writing can get cluttered. Check out Cindy and Mark’s dialogue with all “said”s and “asked”s swapped:
“Hi, Mark,” Cindy enthused.
“Hi, Cindy,” Mark responded.
“How was your week?” Cindy queried Mark.
“It was great, Cindy. How was yours?” Mark replied.
“It was kind of rough, Mark. Thanks for asking.” Cindy sighed.
This is just as annoying. Even though we have more info on how Cindy and Mark feel during this conversation, it’s stilted. And I’m pretty sure no one cares how it ends up. (Plus, this is telling, not showing! Big no-no.)
Always use said.
The theory behind this rule is that all those other words are distracting. You start noticing the descriptive ways people speak instead of the words coming out of their mouths. “Said” simplifies everything, allowing the reader to gloss over it so that the focus is on the words spoken, conversations had, and ideas expressed.
But honestly? Said, said, said is boring, repetitive, and uncreative.
So what do we do?
Use “said,” just not too much.
Like sprinkles on ice cream, “said” should be scattered throughout our work along with other words.
If we want to write powerful dialogue, we need to keep things hopping, not humdrum. As they say, variety is the spice of life.
2. Write Powerful Dialogue: Show, Don’t Tell
It’s that great old rule again! And here, my friend, is how we avoid the whole awkward said/enthused/vomited-the-words problem:
Show the dialogue instead of tell the reader about it.
Weave it into the story.
Intertwine action with word, habit with heart, quirk with quip.
Take a look at Mark and Cindy now:
“Hi, Mark!”
Startled, he glanced up. She was early. “Hi, Cindy!” The corners of his mouth turned up, though he tried to control his excitement.
“How was your week?” She heaved her backpack from her shoulder as she slid into the chair across from him.
So far Mark was quite unsuccessful in taming the grin trying to take over his face. “It was great!” And getting better by the minute, he thought to himself… “How was yours?”
She didn’t answer right away. She took a little time arranging her books on the table. “It was kind of rough. Thanks for asking.”
Notice that we don’t lay out the dialogue as he said, she said, he answered, she answered.
Real conversations surprise us
First of all, there isn’t a dialogue map we follow. Real conversations rarely abide by set rules (besides the usual “hi, how are you” polite/introductory stuff).
In fact, genuine discussions can be quite unruly. And if we develop our characters into lifelike people, their conversations won’t follow predictable patterns. Well-crafted characters should surprise us—that’s what real people do, after all!
Real conversations move
Conversations should literally move. When you create dialogue, put actions, feelings, and thoughts amongst the words. Move the conversation forward with doings, habits, and quirks. She adjusted her shirt; he sipped his coffee; she moved to the refrigerator; he slammed the door; she tucked her hair behind her ear; he touched her shoulder…you get the idea.
Don’t stick with he said, she said. Make it real. Make it believable. Make it move.
Dialogue can be tricky. But if you put yourself into the action, watching lifelike people interact in your head, not manipulating them but watching what they do, you’ll find with practice that your conversations will grow, move, and become something quite spectacular.
What’s your top dialogue tip? Share in the comments below!
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